Dear Pete, Mom gave birth to you at 1:56 AM on December 1st, 2011. Your Grandma, Regina and I were in the room while Grandma and Granddad in England waited on the phone. For a moment, everything was perfect. I had first promised to stop d

Dear Pete,

Mom gave birth to you at 1:56 AM on December 1st, 2011.

Your Grandma, Regina and I were in the room while Grandma and Granddad in England waited on the phone. For a moment, everything was perfect.

I had first promised to stop drinking when Mom and I got married.

Six years later, I was still drinking when we brought you home from the hospital in Harlem.

After you came home, things got worse. Mom and I agreed it was hazardous for you to be around me.  So I moved into a hotel and started doing cocaine with my friend, K.

After you came home, things got worse. Mom and I agreed it was hazardous for you to be around me. 

So I moved into a hotel and started doing cocaine with my friend, K.

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By your first birthday, my nose was bleeding most mornings. I tried outpatient at St Luke’s but left after a week. Then I stopped showing up for you all together.

By your first birthday, my nose was bleeding most mornings. I tried outpatient at St Luke’s but left after a week.

Then I stopped showing up for you all together.

On February 18, 2013, I put my hand up and asked for help.   I have been sober now for the past two and a half years.

On February 18, 2013, I put my hand up and asked for help.  

I have been sober now for the past two and a half years.

It’s hard to explain how many people helped us get our life back on track.  Some let us stay in their homes.  Others, physically picked us up when we fell down.  

It’s hard to explain how many people helped us get our life back on track.  Some let us stay in their homes.  Others, physically picked us up when we fell down.

 

I don’t think Mom ever gave up on me being a Dad and she is the primary reason I am still in your life. It’s heartbreaking that you're growing up in a different town.    Mom sends a picture of you sleeping in your new house every day.

I don’t think Mom ever gave up on me being a Dad and she is the primary reason I am still in your life.

It’s heartbreaking that you're growing up in a different town.  Mom sends a picture of you sleeping in your new house every day.

I started taking photographs of us because I was honestly unsure if I'd make it. The photos would let you know I had been in your life , even if you couldn’t remember me.

I started taking photographs of us because I was honestly unsure if I'd make it.

The photos would let you know I had been in your life, even if you couldn’t remember me.

This is the studio on East 78th street where I lived for two years.  I hit my bottom in this room but it’s also where I got sober and fell head over heels in love with you. Last summer I finally moved out and we got our old apartment back.

This is the studio on East 78th street where I lived for two years. 

I hit my bottom in this room but it’s also where I got sober and fell head over heels in love with you.

Last summer I finally moved out and we got our old apartment back.

A year after I got sober, Mom said you could live with me on the weekends.    

A year after I got sober, Mom said you could live with me on the weekends.

 

 

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This is you and my own Dad. I put Grandma and Granddad through absolute hell but their unconditional love is the best example for how I want to raise you.

This is you and my own Dad.

I put Grandma and Granddad through absolute hell but their unconditional love is the best example for how I want to raise you.

There are still people in my life who I care about deeply who have problems of their own. But it's my fear for the friends who I don't hear from anymore that makes being sober the hardest.

There are still people in my life who I care about deeply who have problems of their own.

But it's my fear for the friends who I don't hear from anymore that makes being sober the hardest.

Thank you for not giving up on me.  I cherish every moment with you. Much love, Dad.

Thank you for not giving up on me.  I cherish every moment with you.

Much love, Dad.